Waiting
"Just wait until you are my age." I heard this phrase for the first time when I was in the kitchen of my parent's home. As a child, with energy and questions, I had worn them down. With a breath full sigh and a frown, they told me that I would understand in later years.
In some ways, this has come true. I go to sleep at a reasonable time, eat my vegetables, and try not to spend all day in front of a screen.
What irked me then, and what still furrows my brow when I get the phrase now is the sentiment. The sentiment does nothing to motivate an individual. It denotes an eventuality to certain factors of life. Such as weight gain, perspective shift, eyesight, memory loss to name a few. The certainties are not worth burdening a young bird with optimistic wings.
What of Icarus the famous case of flying too close to the sun? The hubris to think of oneself as invincible was not helped by a warning of Icarus's father Daedalus. Why now, should it be different?
I am cautious to persuade anyone who gives a warning is saying it out of anger. Not out of a sense that I may be wrong. I may be right, and those who have this label will arrive angry in the pathway leading to my house. Stepping over my cut grass to throw a brick in my window.
There are those who present information about the future in a kind way. These are the ones who have my heart. Doing this out of love and care for others. Those who wish the youth to be better. The system of speaking these words is on a playing field of equal effect. Not one of self-determination or self-loathing mirrored in a detrimental way. A thoughtful exchange of ideas and reckoning.
It is in the off-handed comments of "wait until you get older" that we leave the most pain.
Especially among those who are self-conscious who hope to know how the world sees them. With every passing word giving a glimpse into the mirror is a valuable resource to them.
For those self-arrogant or lacking self-awareness, the passing of comments is meaningless. So, why say the words at all? If the self-aware will know their flaws, and the un-self-aware will not listen, what then?
It's in the inability to distinguish one from another. The cultural signals are evident in extreme cases. Such as Buddhist monks being more self-aware, and the tattoed jailbird being unaware.*
On whole, style and dress codes have flattened. The pressures to stop a forty-six-year-old from wearing the wardrobe as a teenager are none. Tokens and symbols could show an introspected deep meaning of the self. So, the world might know to give advice or to stop. Without this subtlety the old or experienced paint with a wide brush. Especially in fragile relationships not rich in memory. Ones that wane or hem in the delicate breeze of a job, or situation. It is only in the deeper relationships do we learn who needs the advice and who will only listen to time.
We tend to link understanding with action. The person who knows cigarettes are bad will not smoke them. But, the plethora of cases including my own grandmother shows exceptions. I will end with a short story.
Two brothers growing up in the same house saw both of their parents drink in excess. One brother never touches a drop of alcohol. The other drinks as much as his parents. When asked why they made their choices, they both responded. "How could I not, growing up with my parents."
Every person, from the smallest infant to the biggest giant, is an individual. Making choices every step of the way.